I am now forever spoiled for any type of mass communication that
doesn’t involve zero latency. I’ve crossed the Event Horizon in terms
of fact and news gathering, and there really isn’t any coming back from
that, that is, unless you burn out and decide, “fuck this, I’m out” and
take up gardening, or tennis or golf or whatever. Internet crack is
perhaps the most addictive thing known to man, though - and all it takes
to break a sabbatical or a “I’m really quitting this time! No,
seriously!” Is a taste, a peek, a glimpse of a news crawl in an unlikely
place. Then you start jonesing, sweating, your heart races; your
abdominal muscles and jaw clench, and you know all too well that you’re
not getting out of this without a hit. Without a check of that phone or
a “quick stint” at your computer. You’re hooked. Welcome to the club.
I
think Reddit was probably my gateway drug, in hindsight. All of that
sweet, uncut, fresh, instant information at my fingertips! So many
millions of people commenting, commenting, endlessly, 24 hours a day, 7
days a week!! Intermitted insomnia was an unlocked door for the
insidiousness of Reddit. Awake at 2am, don’t have to be up at a
particular hour, nor have any particular place to be “tomorrow” or later
or whatever? Pop open that iPad and read for a bit! Fall back to
sleep around 5am, sleep til 9am or so, and you still have the whole day
in front of you! Strangely awake and perhaps a bit wired (read: vodak)?
Stay up for a while! After all, you’re reading, and who could possibly find fault in that?? I’m enriching
myself, right? Educating myself by reading up on current events, or
wet shaving with a straight edge, or fountain pens, makeup,
circle-jerkery, nudie pics, replying to sad, lonely, depressed or TBI
people in an effort to give them a binary code hug of sorts; I found all
of that and much, much more on Reddit.
Spend any
appreciable time on Reddit, and you start to notice certain recurring
references (aside from the obvious, a particular favorite of reddit,
memes) to “the chans” or “/pol/” or “top kek” or any of the other
innumerable words, phrases, memes and colloquialism that people who
perhaps spent even more time online than I did typically used.
Naturally, I’d be curious, especially at times where I’d spent so much
time on reddit that I’d run out of new things to read. The “Ellen Pao”
event from last summer was one of those times.
The Ellen Pao
thing. Oh my god, the mother of all cluster-fucks. But really, that’s
ancient history, so I’ll tell you about it some other time.
Back
to [current year]. I’m noticing a trend that surprises me, frankly.
I’m beginning to be followed by people with tens of thousands of
followers. I am pretty sure some number of them are bots, triggered by
some combination of keywords (though I read today that Twatter had put
the kibosh on auto-follower scripts or whatever the IT gurus call that
function); not all of them are bots, however. It’s pretty odd, but ngl,
definitely a little bit thrilling. This bizarro Twit universe is one
that seems both so complex, so multi-layered, so nuanced, and yet so
familiar, so navigable, so...do-able. Since I really don’t have
anything else at all going on at the moment aside from laundry, blah
blah housewife shit, and find it necessary to take my brain to trot
(like a racehorse) lest it succumb to the repetitive vodka-boarding I
subject it to, it’s pretty fcuking fortuitous that I’ve potentially
found something that combines everything in life I love the most -
digging up information, learning systems (organically - grab a machete,
head into the wild and either live or die), posting witty bon mots,
having people pay attention to me - all of it! I found it necessary to
kick my habit up a notch from reddit’s upvote / downvote system to the
more pure, uncut, pharmaceutical grade shit -- the immediacy of Twitter
and everything that comes along with it.
One of the benefits to
living on the internet, conversing with journalists, both hack and
legit, is the “make sure you understand the words you’re using”
imperative. I will be trying to express a relatively nuanced thought or
concept in 140 fucking characters, and it will occur to me that there
is a word, a word I’ve either used or read before, that says exactly
what I’m trying to say, but before posting it, willy nilly, I’ll look it
up so as not to come off as...one of those people - people who
use a fancy word just because they can, but who parse it in such a way
as to belie their fundamental lack of understanding of the word or its
use.
I love the internet so much, I can’t even stand it. If mankind
ever finds a way to transmogrify crunchy-boned meat-suit wearers into
binary code, I am going to literally marry the internet and have like
100, no, a GOOGOL babies with it. Thank God I had my tubes tied when I
did. Hypergamy and whatnot. (Hypergamy is a cool new word I keep
coming across in Red Pill literature - still not 100% sure what it
means, but...brb, looking up “hypergamy”).
Well, hypergamy doesn’t
mean anything close to what I thought it meant. Huh. Weird. Thought
it was pretty my Red Pill for “big giant hoe!!”, but it’s not!! It’s
defined as the action of marrying a person of a superior caste or class.
Makes more sense now, contextually. Guess I was born a deficient
affront to my gender, because hypergamy never appealed to me. I pretty
much didn’t want to marry a medium-height, angry, hairy Mediterranean
guy; always had a proclivity for blone haired, blue eyed tall guys.
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