Some Shit About Feminism.

On false (rape or other) accusations:  I feel personally offended, as a woman, when the premise is put forth by other women that somehow, because of my gender, I’m required to take a woman’s side in every single instance where “he said / she said” exists.  The sad reality is that should a woman decide she regrets a sexual encounter - an encounter that was completely* consensual at the time- she can decide that it was assault or rape, and destroy the life of someone else.  Worse still is the fact that this same “opportunity” is not afforded to men, at all, ever.

Men who allege sexual assault are almost always disbelieved, mocked, belittled.  It’s a demeaning and oppressive double standard.  Why aren’t men allowed the opportunity to be helped, comforted, consoled after being sexually assaulted?  Insisting that “men can’t be raped” or anything of the sort is a disgusting instance of double standard, and is yet another bastardization of one of the original tenets of feminism  - EQUALITY.  Feminism, originally, was the desire for equality, right?  What is equal about one gender being allowed to allege sexual assault and receive comfort, support and be believed in those allegations, but not the other gender?  The war on cis-het men really needs to stop. It’s disgusting.

A strong, successful woman I recently spoke with about feminism pondered feminism's role and meaning in her life.  She asked, "If I am not a feminist, who is??" Here's the thing - today's "feminism", as we generally, colloquially understand it to be (and let me plainly state, I am no scholar of the ideology) has been hijacked and corrupted, perhaps purposefully or perhaps as a matter of time and societal evolution.  Today's feminism isn't what it started out as.

I often contemplate American society in terms of evolution, both broadly and in the context of a human life span (probably synchronous with my own lifespan thusfar and its likely endpoint).  The 60s, in hindsight (I wasn't there, but society is akin to the Titanic - it doesn't change course all that quickly), were collectively younger, wilder, idealistic teenage years.  The 50s, more child-like, more naive, more trusting of government, authority, etc.  The 70s were...a mess, ha ha - an era replete with the awkwardness of "finding ourselves".  The 80s were perhaps that launch-point we all get to (if we're lucky), where we're well into our 20s, maybe early 30s, and we've achieved cruising altitude.  After that, the 90s - young, but not quite as young, still naive, but not as naive, and most importantly, the last moments of a SocMed-free world.  Continuing onward, the 2000s came and with it both the end of everything we knew and the beginning of everything we will know.  The entire game has changed.

What was once "it would be nice to be allowed to have a career, an education, be something more than a brood mare" (which was absolutely a valid and worthy ideal) has morphed into a terrible, "She-Lady Man Haters"Club, complete with decoder rings, secret handshakes and shunning if you dare stray outside the acceptable dogma.  My hope is that it's a pendulum of sorts - that it will settle into a more inclusive equilibrium.  Men today seem (rightfully) angry at decades of being infantilized, feminized, subtly told they're horrible, unfeeling, rapey ogres, and I think they're really quite tired of that narrative.

Women have also been fed a false narrative - that they are both strong, powerful, "better than boys" warriors AND special, perfect princesses.  None of those things are compatible in any way, and everyone is a mess because societal gender roles that in any way mimic biological ones have become a dirty, verbotten thing. Everyone is completely confused and it's readily apparent and palpable across all SocMed.  I think the "special, perfect princesses" is really the root of the problem, where current feminism is concerned.  It's the opposite of empowering, it's actually quite patronizing, yet all we hear about is "the evil patriarchy!!".

I think the overarching problem today is the adoption of the victim mindset. Somehow, we went from a manly-man, suck-it-up, don't cry ya big baby society to "everyone gets a trophy, no one ever has to feel any pain or inferiority and you don't have to break a sweat and try at all, because that's [insert oppressive buzzword here]". It went off the rails. You are probably an admirable, beautiful, intelligent woman, and there is likely no reason for you to feel anything but pride in who and what you are.

"Feminism" is not a badge, it is not an achievement. It is an ideology, and it has been co-opted by many over the years and used as a device of sorts (if that's even the right word). I hope you keep asking the questions, I hope that you never back down from being courageous. I know you know far better than I do the narrative, the propaganda of it all that forms the narrative that ripples through the zeitgeist these days.

* The definition of "completely" is somewhat ambiguous.  I don't deny the fact that there are situations where a seducer takes advantage of a drunk girl and while I do believe we are responsible for our actions, including the decision to get hammered at a bar and go home with some guy, I also believe that the responsibility for actions and choices should be shouldered equally with both the seducer AND the seducee.  Also applicable to both is that part of being a fucking ADULT is using some common sense, not putting yourself in a vulnerable, potentially dangerous situation, and not dragging a drunk girl home just because you can AND taking ownership of your mistakes.  Shit like having ruphies slipped into your drink doesn't count here, and in such an instance, the blame shifts squarely onto the shoulders of the piece of shit doing the drugging.